Pissed offffffffff

I really hate what college is doing to my psyche, I mean, seriously. I know that programming is incredibly tedious and stuff, but how the fuck am I clueless? I mean, it's soooooo easy to say that my professor has been teaching at a pace above my learning ability, which is true, but it puts blame away from me. And I wonder, how could I have screwed this up? I mean, I take all the notes and I try to keep track of what he says, but I'm not fantastic at either of those. Youtube shows me how to do basic programming that would be a great starting point, but he expects a helluva lot more than what Youtube shows me. I mean, calculus is only going better because I'm receiving a shit-ton of extra-credit opportunities. I personally feel like he's got quite a few people failing his class and he doesn't want that to happen. Which is why reading a 300 page novel (or at least telling him I did) will get me a few test points. And why doing simple bull-shit could get me more than 200% on a homework assignment. Boy, I look forward to calc 2 when I didn't learn enough in calc 1 because I received a passing grade, and didn't EARN it.

Why in the hell is CMT showing Christmas Vacation? I don't want to see it too much, then I won't want to watch it when Christmas 2010 rolls around, jeesh.

Good to see that I follow my own blog, wish I knew how that happened. What the fuck would happen if I blocked me? Would I be trapped outside of my own blog? I mean, it's not like I could log in to my own blog which I am blocked from and can't see at all and unblock myself, I'm blocked! Lol, I just won't try it, that' s a good idea.

If all this Computer Science stuff doesn't work out, I have no idea what I will do instead. Maybe Computer Information Systems, though that's a little closer to a business degree than I prefer. I'm not a fan of business by any means, though I have heard it's an easier route than CSC. I've considered Philosophy, but there are a few problems with that.
a) I would have to get a Phd and teach it at a University because there are virtually no jobs available for it, which could be cool, cuz I'd be a badass professor.
b) I've only been in one class, I don't know what the whole degree program is like.
c) I have to have a minor, any kind is okay. Maybe computer science, information systems, or maybe even music. Who the hell knows?

Gotta love Valentine's Day, or at least that time of year. It's bringing back memories and stuff, and I'm thinking of her a little bit, too. I think I'm at the point where the only way I'll be able to truly befriend her and say "I'm happy for you" and all that is if I find happiness. And, I think I'm ready now. I've got a couple of options, I've just gotta man up and talk to a few women. I could say hi to that cute blond clarinet girl in band, but that would be a little close to deja vu, I suppose. Though they look SUPER different otherwise, especially the height, lol. Then there's the oboe player, but idk about her. There's the cute girl who sits next to me in calculus, I finally talked to her today..... about homework. Idk, she's smart and super quiet, but I know absolutely nothing about her. I just need to man up and start talking to these chicks, I've proven to myself that I can face rejection just fine and actually look at it in a comical way. So, what the hell am I afraid of?

There's also that one red-headed girl Skyler is supposed to talk to for me. I trust his judgment that she's a "looker" I just hope she has no other attributes that rhyme with that one. Like hooker, or something else bad, idk. Most of the girls on the dating sites are insane or just not interested, which confuses me. I wonder if it's some women's crazy preferences on the height of their man. If that's one of the biggest things holding me back, then I'm fucked and need to be less picky about chicks, lol. I guess all some girls see is the 5'5" on my profile or they may see "spontaneous, ambitious, or tries to be life of the party" Oh, wait, those are desirable qualities, maybe they see my slight belly. Holy shit, it's going away, I promise. I am more motivated to work out with someone I know who is at my approximate fitness level. Working out with friends or if I had a girlfriend who wanted to would get me into the habit. Hell, I'd like to have someone to swim with, I want to do that SOOOO bad again.

I should stop, people are probably going to fall asleep reading all this crap, lol. Anyway, I'll probably write up another one here in a month or so, lol